Dear So-and-So · Just For Fun

Dear So-And-So


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Dear Chip-Resistant Nail Varnish,

You fail.

Yours,

Having-To-Reapply

*****

Dear Giant Wasp/Hornet,

Thank you for leaving so amicably yesterday. You were fascinating but also a little scary.

Yours,

Relieved-Wildlife-Lover

*****

Dear Doctor,

Before putting in my contraceptive implant you said – ‘You may get a slight bruise afterwards.’

You lied. I have a very definite hurts-like-a-female-dog bruise and I can’t even wash off the biro line you drew on me to show where it was going because it hurts too much to scrub.

Let’s be honest with each other next time, yeah? I’m a big girl now, I can take the truth.

Yours,

Touch-My-Arm-And-I’ll-Punch-You

*****

Dear Weather,

Be good for my cousin tomorrow. Sunshine in Yorkshire would be fab – wet weddings just aren’t the same…

Yours hopefully,

Looking-Forward-To-Wearing-A-Nice-Dress

*****

Dear Tori,

Any chance you could *not* throw up in the car on the way to the wedding? I know how hideous being travel sick is because I’m just the same but I have learned to control it a little. You being sick beside me however makes that control a little harder and I’d rather not join in.

Plus cleaning you up is a pain.

Thank you & all my love,

Dubious-but-Hopeful-Mummy

xxxxx

*****

Dear Arthur,

Thursday night was brilliant – sleeping from 9 til half four. Keep doing that and everyone will be much less grouchy in the mornings!

All my love,

Less-Tired-Than-Usual-Mummy

xxxxx

*****

Dear top 3 guitar strings,

The other strings stay vaguely in tune over-night – what’s your problem?

Yours,

Fed-Up-Of-Tuning

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