Depression · Life

The One Where My Jeans Fit


I have mentioned a couple of times that I’m trying to keep an eye on what I eat and attempting to be a bit more active. This lifestyle change is partly to stop myself from getting into a miserable rut of nothingness but also to try and lose a few pounds after realising I had hit the same weight as when I was pregnant – not a great feeling.

Well, it’s been just over a month since I made this decision – I have been for exactly one run and two sessions of swimming. I have also done several hours of torture exercise on the WiiFit which I have borrowed from Liberty because that involves neither going out in the cold or getting wet.

This is why I don’t get on with keeping fit very well – I don’t like all the faff and time it takes. You can’t just ‘go for a run’ – you have to flap around warming up and warming down at the start and end (otherwise it hurts even more than usual), you can’t just ‘go for a swim’ – you have to get changed into ridiculous costumes that show off everything, get cold and wet, get back out again, get dry(ish), drag your clothes onto your damp body again and go home smelling like a chemical factory. Eurgh. It’s just no fun.

I do actually enjoy swimming. Apart from the wet bit. And the costume. And the fact that it costs a million pounds.

But yes, I am trying to be good. I’m not doing so well on the exercise front, I admit, but I definitely doing better on the eating side of things.

I started using MyFitnessPal online to try and track my calorie intake and just be more aware of what I was eating. It made me a tiny bit mortified.

I got really strict for a couple of weeks – making a definite effort to eat healthily and in small portions and so on – and made a discovery. Being strict with my diet makes me miserable.

It might make me thinner, but that’s no use if I’m grumpy, irritable, morose and depressed – I was winding myself up, never mind everyone else. And it was horrible not eating the same as the rest of the family – I’d cook them all tasty looking dinner but because I’d over-eaten at lunch, I’d have a bowl of rabbit food and half a slice of bread. I hated it.

So I have stopped that – I still use MFP, but only as a guide and I’m not so strict about it. I don’t beat myself up if I have a fat day because there are plenty of days where I go for a walk, or a swim, or just eat better so I’m fairly sure it evens out. And I’m not a mental, evil psychopath either, which is a bonus for everyone.

The thing that has stuck from my strict patch though, is my improved snacking habits. Half of my issue with food was that I grazed all day on whatever was to hand. I’ve stopped that now. I have restricted myself to two snacks a day maximum – usually one between lunch and dinner and one between dinner and bedtime – and this has become more of a habit than anything now. I also try to eat breakfast most days, something I was terrible for not doing before.

Has all this worked? Has the grouchy week and the starving been worth it? Well, yes, actually.

According to the Wii, I have lost about 4.5lb which isn’t all that much, but it’s enough for me to be able to do my favourite jeans up without a fight again. And for Caius to ask if I’d lost weight because he noticed my clothes fit better.

So yes, it is working and no, I’m still not very good at dieting or regular exercise. But I’m finding a system that works for me and hopefully I’ll be able to drop a couple more pounds over the next few months until I’m at a comfortable point and I can learn to balance there. And maybe get fit enough to manage more than 12 lengths of the swimming pool without wanting to lie on the floor and expire for half an hour afterwards.

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