anxiety · Depression · mental health

Drowning Not Waving

Usually this would be a meal planning post – but there isn’t one this week, because I didn’t do a meal plan, I just did a shop and hoped that I’d be able to muddle together food for the week.

A bit like how I’ve hoped I’d muddle through every day for the last fortnight or so.

I’m not in a great place in my head and I’ve been stuck and wallowing and scraping through each day. Putting up a front when I’ve had to interact with people, forcing myself out when I just want to hide, sitting on the floor staring at the carpet when I should have been hoovering.

I’m just exhausted with it. And frustrated.

It’s not all been horrible, I have genuinely enjoyed moments but they are the exception not the rule. I’m in a slump and it has taken until this weekend to accept it, rage against it, cry a lot and now I’m trying to scrabble back up the other side.

I’ve planned out my week into easy chunks, I’ve decided to try and get into an exercise routine again and start the multi-vitamins once more. I’m going to make an effort to drink more – of anything. I never drink enough and recently it’s been nothing but Pepsi Max – and I don’t think that’s been agreeing with me either so that’s stopping. I’ve ordered some new, different drinks to try this week to try and help me get more liquid intake.

Mostly, this post is just to say that if I don’t seem right when you see me, if I seem a bit distant or not quite with it, I’m sorry. I am listening to you, I can see you – it just takes a while for my brain to process what you’ve said and how to reply to it (I have heard myself respond awkardly to people 15 seconds too late several times recently and cringed inwardly as I did it. It’s horrible.)

I’m doing my best to get back to full steam, but for now I’m a few pistons short and am finding the world a bit big and overwhelming. Be gentle with me.

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