Health · Life

The Only Smear Campaign Worth Reading

I’m generally not a fan of Smear Campaigns because they are nothing but trouble… with the exception of this one:


This letter dropped through my letter box recently, and I sighed loudly. Not because I was irritated, but because it means that the five minutes since my last one has actually been 3 years and that’s ridiculous.

Next up came the akward calculation of when I was most likely to be not on my period (the joys of being the most irregular person in the history of ever. Sigh again.) and calling up to make an appointment somewhere in that window. I have had to phone up and rearrange it before now, thanks to my body deciding to change schedule just because it can, but that was fine, nobody was cross with me and it took two minutes to move it round.

I hate going to the doctors, but I always, always turn up for this appointment.

Is it fun? Not particularly.

Is it awful? Also not particularly.

I just make sure I’ve had a shower that morning, chosen some underwear that isn’t fourhundred years old, take a deep breath and remind myself that the nurse has probably already seen several lady gardens that day and will see several more – she will not remember which one went with which person. Mostly because she doesn’t care. A foof is a foof is a foof.

The only thing they care about is that you have turned up, so they can do the not particularly comfortable thing that takes 30 seconds and send the sample away to test in the hopes of maybe saving your life a bit if needed.

Yes , it briefly feels like someone is wiping your insides with a toothbrush and it’s not exactly pleasant but it is well worth it in the end.

So please, PLEASE! If you’ve had one of these letters and ignored it, go make yourself an appointment – this Smear campaign might just save your life.

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