I called the Doctor on Tuesday and had a very frank chat about Sunday and how I was getting on in general at the moment.

I am very much a duck.

Trying to look all smooth and classy on the surface, whilst paddling like crazy underneath to stop myself from just floating off down the river.

Well 2020 has made the river current a bit more substantial than normal, and whilst I managed to keep up for a while, it doesn’t seem to be easing off any time soon and I’m exhausted.

I have had to cancel things – helping out at Cubs, online game sessions with friends, catch up phone calls – because just thinking about them makes me so anxious I can hear my heartbeat in my ears and it feels hard to breathe.

All of this on top of the usual life stuff of kids, and family life, and pets, PLUS 2020 and all its joys… it’s too much for my brain to keep up with.

So the Doctor agreed that I need a little help to stay on top of things, and has increased my dosage of Sertraline.

This meant that the last few days I have felt super dizzy and woozy and spent a fair chunk of time sleeping it off as my body adjusts, but I’m feeling a bit better each day.

I am also actively trying to give myself a break.

Forgiving myself when I don’t get ALL THE THINGS done. Or when I need a nap. Or when I don’t feel like picking up a book and I feel like I am ‘behind’ in my reading. (Behind what? There are no rules. IT IS FINE.)

Counting all the tiny victories in a day: eating properly, showering, making the kids their packed lunches, answering the phone.

We also discussed mindfulness and self-care, and I am trying to make sure I *do* things that help settle my brain. Whatever that happens to be.

Recently it has been cross-stitching and blogging. Sometimes it is reading, or watching TV, or playing a video game.

Jet dragging me out at least once a day whatever the weather is also excellent for clearing my head and getting some fresh air. Even if all we do is a twenty minute game of fetch in the field near our house, it gets me out.

Plus Jet is always joyful, so long as lunch isn’t late. That helps immensely.