So, today is the day I start taking my tablets, but I haven’t taken any yet because they make you super drowsy so it is advised to take them in the evening before you go to bed.

I have decided to keep a paper record of everything as well, because then I have something to take in with me to check ups and to help me spot any patterns in symptoms or whatever.

I have made myself a nice table in a notebook so I can record the date, whether or not I remembered to take my tablet (nobody’s perfect!), whether or not I’m on my period and how enthusiastic that is being (because hormone swings are a thing), and a big space for recording notes on my general symptoms.

I guessed doing this now before New-Meds’ fog kicked in was a better plan than trying to do it later.

I’m mostly feeling positive but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t apprehensive about it all. Not just because I know it’s not going to be nice for a couple of weeks, but also because a little part of me feels like I’ve failed at something major.

And also because I’m afraid of going back into the completely numb-to-everything state that my first ever medication put me in. In a way that was better than being endlessly miserable… but it was also horrific because I found no joy in anything. I wasn’t sad but I wasn’t happy either and that’s just rubbish.

But I won’t get better if I don’t try.